Having a Kid with a Borderline

My pregnant girlfriend suffers from a serious psychiatric disorder that entails frequent fits of extreme rage. I don’t want the kid to be damaged, and I don’t want my life to be a train wreck either.  

Welcome to my blog. This is a journal of my descent into the particular brand of human suffering known as Borderline Personality Disorder.

My girlfriend of two and a half years has it.

For the first two years of our relationship, I blamed myself for her frequent episodes of extreme rage.  I stuck around when she freaked out. I tried to console her and show her I was there for her. I swallowed her foul words and curses. I tried to avoid snapping and getting angry myself. Mostly I was successful, but not always.

I was so in love that I ignored what was really going on.

It was only after I got her pregnant that the truth started to sink in.

One night after a particularly bad episode of rage on her part,  I was taking refuge in the restaurant next to our place. I started to read up on psychology online.

I discovered that she’s a textbook example of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).

The DSM-IV lists nine symptoms of BPD. Five out of nine of these symptoms are required for a diagnosis.

My girlfriend has all nine.

Since then I have been reading up frantically on the disorder.

I found a psychiatrist who is specialised in personality disorders, and he confirmed the diagnosis from my description. He told me I have to rigorously enforce my boundaries, and that I should move out if the situation continues to be unbearable. We talked about how both my health and my career have deteriorated since I met her and he told me he knows of cases with very bad outcomes for people who stay with personality disordered individuals who refuse to seek help. But how can I move out if we have a kid together? Wouldn’t it be irresponsible towards the kid?

What a quandary. For now I’m hanging in there. We are currently looking for a bigger apartment.



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