A great deal has happened since my first post. I posted on Rollo Tomassi’s blog, The Rational Male, and one of the readers, an old hand in the Married Red Pill community, who goes under the name of SJF, started posting well-considered answers to my questions. Thus started our exchange of posts. Eventually he offered to mentor me on the red pill and my relationship situation. We started exchanging emails almost every day. It is of immense value to have such an exchange who comes from a completely different reality than my girlfriend, and who is able to shed some light on my situation and what I can expect.
SJF tuned me on to a book called Transurfing. About a week ago I finished the first volume, entitled The Space of Variations. In the book the author, Vadim Zeland, talks about the concept of the “pendulum”. A pendulum is a direction of thinking that may be associated with an organisation or company or religion or person or group of people or whatever. The point is that the pendulum controls its adherents’ way of thinking. It doesn’t really matter whether people think negatively or positively about the pendulum – as long as they think and especially feel something about it, it starts swinging more powerfully. It does so by drawing on its adherents and opponents’ energy. So as long as you can avoid having opinions or feelings about a pendulum, you can stay out of its grasp.
After I had read about the pendulum, my girlfriend started one of her freakouts. By the way it started it looked like it was going to be very bad. When she started like this on previous occasions, it meant that her rage would last for several hours and be incredibly destructive. However this time instead of trying to make her stop by not responding or by agreeing or apologising, which I had tried so many times before without any effect, this time I focused on my inner state and not feeding the pendulum with anger or opinions about how unfair this all was or any other emotions or thoughts directed towards the pendulum. It worked like a charm. I was very surprised by how fast the pendulum fell through. I was able to talk about something else and direct the energy in a different direction, as soon as there was a lull in the pendulum’s swinging. Since I was being honest and not harbouring any hidden resentment about how unfair the situation was, or how harsh her words were, she followed my lead. We went back to a good feeling as if nothing had happened. Within five minutes a situation was diffused that would otherwise have lasted for hours and resulted in copious amounts of stress and lack of sleep.
Since then I have used the technique of making the pendulum fall through many times. I have also used the technique of extinguishing the pendulum. This is when you think about what it is the person really wants, and then visualise them in a situation where they have that. You see them really comfortable and at peace. This makes the person feel comfortable around you. After all, you’re sending nothing but good will towards them. It has to be for real, though – you can’t do it if you’re feeling resentment towards the swinging of the pendulum.
Countless situations have been diffused. We’ve been having some really good times together. I have to be prepared to be conscious and watch my actions as soon as a pendulum starts swinging between us; but the fact that I’ve been able to make the pendulum fall through consistently for the last days has made me feel that I have a new superpower.
My new superpower has turned out to be self-reinforcing: the fact that I’ve allowed the pendulum to fall through has meant that I have been getting more sleep. (Anyone who has lived with a borderline knows that your sleep suffers, since borderline rage usually explodes around bedtime.) The fact that I am getting more sleep means that the clouds of insomniac depression are lifting and I’m more able to be conscious in challenging situations.